Friday, December 16, 2011

Looking Back

It's Friday, and there are eight more days until we begin the celebration of Christmas together. This year will be a bit  different from the past. It will be my first Christmas as a "Nonna" (grandma). It will also be the first year we are having a family sleepover on Christmas Eve! Not just my kids and their families, Liam's other G-parents and their whole family!Yup, 13 of us having a slumber party! Twelve adults and one baby boy.
My last post was about "slowing down" and making some changes. So, am I up to all this? Honestly, I am not sure.But, boy am I looking forward to it!

 At this time of year I tend to feel overwhelmed. The anxiety and fears sometimes get the best of me. Even with all  that I am looking forward to.  While writing this I decided to look back at what I wrote a year ago. Some of the feelings are the same, some have become easier to deal with. Realizing, this may just be ongoing and need a little "tweaking" from year to year.

And then.....I read the next post and was reminded to have faith and to trust God in all of this. Weather it is about having the energy and stamina for the holiday celebrations or worrying about what next year will look like. None of it is in my hands.
  By looking back at last year and seeing these same struggles I felt before, followed by  the truth that He makes it so much better than I could ever imagine it to be, find myself once again, looking forward to Christmas 2011 and celebrating Him who makes all things possible!
                                                     "MERRY CHRISTMAS"! ~ elayne

Friday, December 9, 2011

Changing Perspectives

It's been a  while since my last post. In part I have just been busy, but I  have also been working on "Changing Perspectives". I suppose we all reach points in our lives when we have to make some adjustments. This is one of those times. Put quite simply, we are tired!
 I was speaking with a good friend and she said "you guys have not had time to rest or recover from the past 5 years. I have known this, but for some reason it was a "light bulb moment". Although our lives remain full and busy, we are trying to slow down and prioritize.We have recently made a few changes, some easy, some not.
After weighing the pros and cons I decided to discontinue teaching  5k classes through the Parks and Rec. dept. This was not an easy choice. I met some wonderful people and was able to share my love of running with them. I will continue to teach 5k classes on my own and hope to rejoin the community another time. For now, I am very thankful for the ladies I am training.
This next one wasn't actually planned. My laptop crashed so I have been limited to computer time. This gave me the opportunity to realize how much "white noise" I was dealing with. The internet has made it possible to keep in touch and connect with so many people and I love that! With that opportunity also comes maintaining so many relationships which can be a bit overwhelming.However, my blog has been a good outlet and I do plan to continue writing.I had stopped going to the Writers group and really miss that. My plan is to rejoin them in January.
I am still running, but nothing like before. I have struggled with that. The fatigue from this last round of treatment really nailed me. Building back up in all areas has been difficult, but I am feeling less of the fatigue now and running a bit more.
Each year I like to have at least one event that I participate in. We made the decision to cancel the Family and Friends annual Turkey trot this year...another hard choice. Chris and I did get up and run 3.1 miles that day, just by ourselves. I had a surprisingly great run!
Although I may not have run an "official" race this year I am content with conquering the Kayak/Hike trip we did in Hawaii! That was an adventure!
Now that I have my grandson in my life, he too has become a wonderful priority. I have been putting aside one day a week to spend time with him...and we are always open to babysitting :) He is good medicine!
So, here I am still after all these years trying to find the balance between a full, happy life with metastatic cancer and recognizing when to rest and give ourselves permission to take the time to  heal and recover.


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