What Tomorrow Holds

OK family & friends....my tumour markers have doubled AGAIN. My CEA is 412, should be <3. My BR2729 is 102, should also be <5 I think. This was not good news. All my other labs were "perfect" according to my Onc. nurse. Scans are tomorrow morning. PLEASE PRAY HARD. God is still in control and there is still amazing power in prayer.

A FEW THOUGHTS.....

You know that intense scene in a movie when someone is sitting in the doctors office waiting to hear the results from the testing they recently had for a cancer diagnosis?  Sometimes the answer comes as  pure relief and joy when they are told "no cancer" and then there are the times that show a person being told "you have cancer, or it has returned, or you have X amount of time". Anxiety, Stress, Fear, Panic...that's just the beginning.

My husband and I were just discussing that this popular climax that makes a movie, that scene that makes you hold your breath, cry, breath a sigh of relief; we are those people who live that scene over and over again. Every month, 3 months or 6 if we are lucky. It has become a difficult existence for both of us. 
Yes, we grow weary, get discouraged, wish things were different.

So, what do we do with all this? How do we live never knowing, always waiting, not knowing what our future holds? The same way we always have. With Faith, Family,& Friends to help us get through these kinds of days, weeks, months and years.

 I do not know why this is the life God has chosen for us and I do not know what tomorrow holds, but I  do know WHO holds tomorrow. And that is how we hold on.
Once again we find ourselves playing these roles we never signed up for and definitely do not know how this story is going to end. I continue to remind myself that this is God's plan, not mine and that I have to trust that.

So tomorrow I will get up and drink my two 16 oz.bottles of "banana smoothie" contrast over a period of two hours followed by more scans and more injections. My husband will be by my side as he always is and when I am alone during the scans, I close my eyes and pray...and I am never alone.