4:17 AM

Today I woke at 4:17 AM with my head spinning..wondering..thinking. This time of the day is, to me, the middle of the night. So, this is quite unusual. This also happens to be my 48th birthday. When you are a 4x cancer survivor of nearly 14 years, every birthday is a miracle! So, no I do not mind at all sharing my age.

What had me up at 4:17 am? I woke up thinking about my birth. I don't actually know what time I was born ( maybe 4:17 am), or who, if anyone was with Barbara, my birth mother on that day.

I thought about my kids when they were babies, and Liam, my grandson. So much happens in those first three months of life. But who was I with? Who held me, fed me, rocked me? Was I held or rocked or loved? Did I even have a name, what did they call me?

Somewhere out there someone took care of me from this first day of my life in July. I have always wondered who and would love to meet them someday if ever possible.

On October 26th, my parents took me home for good. They have been my mom and dad since then. As we celebrated my birthday this past Sunday with my parents I could see how much they love and enjoy Liam, my kids and my husband.
But...one thing really stood out to me. Seems simple in conversation but it meant a lot to me. We were planning a pool party outdoors that day. The heat and humidity were awful reaching  temperatures of about 109.
We talked about how we were glad we moved it indoors, especially with the baby and both my parents who have had some health issues lately.

My dad said they were not going to have been able to get in the water anyways.Yet, they were willing to come sit outside in that heat...just to be there on my birthday!

I still wonder about my BIRTH day and the following months. I am so very thankful for Barbara who was there on that day and made the choices she did, and for my mom and dad who have been there for every Birthday since.